Friday, June 24, 2016

Organically My Smile Peeked Through the Clouds...


I have a confession to make... As much as I preach to my peers about the importance of “keeping it real,” I Jessica Hicks failed to eat my own words…  And as a result, I began feeling breathless, hopeless and just plain ol’ depressed. Oh that big D word can bring a mama downnnnn in the dark, if she lets it. Yes, I let depression bring me down to the point where my body was convulsing over a prescription drug. Somewhere in my cluttered mind, I actually hoped that this pharmaceutical drug would magically make my problems disappear. Ha ha silly me, nothing magically goes away… 
I laid in my bed one sunny afternoon and cried the terror out of my heart. “What am I doing wrong?” I thought. I’m crying out to God every freeking night, BUSTING my ass to make my life go right. Putting on a fake smile, while making myself go through uncomfortable situations, so that it does go right…  Yet there I was feeling the daunting symptoms of stress. Apparently I wasn’t doing it right because prayer time with God became me rehearsing my problems over and over and over again. I learned that problem rehearsal makes a disturbing performance of problems ruling your life.  

So how does one make it better? Surrender my dear, surrender! Don’t run from your problems, accept them and run through them. That is when I let my problems create a beautiful masterpiece of ME! I accepted my failures for what they were and truly embraced my life for where it was.  I looked back at my lifeline and became proud of myself! Don’t ever tell yourself what life is supposed to be like. Life is exactly as it should be. When my body eliminated the remnants of the prescription drug, my future became more clear. One day I heard a soft voice say, "You are a Business Woman!” Such a hard concept for ol’ me of little faith to believe. But "live the life you want," kept echoing in my mind, until it became BOLD-- LIVE THE LIFE YOU WANT JESS!  

 Soon after that moment, I began having uncomfortable conversations. One morning I went to the billion-dollar company I’m partnered with and told a Director that I was “there for a paycheck.” It was so raw, so blunt yet so sincere. I meant no disrespect. I just had to keep it real because the lie I told them was eating me up. I’m not a liar, but when a person desperately needs a job and a good one, you’re going to say what you need to say to get it, right? In my case it was dishonest for me to let them believe that I had intentions of climbing their company ladder, when I had every intention of being there for just a moment of time. Bold move for ol’ me of little faith, but listening to that soft voice worked out for my good!  We ended up renegotiating some things and just like that, one of my problems was solved!

From that point forward, I’ve made the decision to unapologetically live life on MY terms. And since I’ve made that decision, I can honestly say that I am whole-heartedly living free………  No matter how desperate you think you need something, always speak from the depth of your soul. And be confident about it. Someone once told me, “Be true to yourself.” You don’t have to dishonor yourself to say or do what you think others want to hear or see from you. When you invite dishonesty into your life, no matter how hard you try to move forward, your lie will just keep holding you back...

 





 

*I shared a piece of my personal life to inspire you. Although prescription drugs did not work for me, it may do wonders for you! Please continue to do what you feel is best for you and be a ROCKSTAR about it!   -xo

"My name is Jazz."


When I was a little girl my mom signed me up for basketball. I quit when the ball hit me in the face. Then she signed me up for swimming. I cried on the side of the pool, until she made me jump in. Even though I became an expert swimmer, it just wasn’t my thiiing! And so I kept on and kept on exploring... One day I met “Jazz.” Jazz was special. Jazz gave me all the glitz and glam and all my PIZAZZzzzzz. She made-me-feel-so sparkly-so loose- so free……. At last I found myself! (Shout out to Joselito!!!!  My first dance instructor ever! Still Fly! Still Funky! And Still FRESHHHhhh! Check out his studio in Kent,WA!)



So anyway, I twirled along and signed up for every talent show in sight. Landed on the cheer squad in high school, but when D’s landed on my papers, I landed on my ass. Dream dead. With no vision and no direction, I got lost. Throughout college I participated in aerobics class after class after class… Then one day I flew across country and landed in the bible-belt.

I walked around in “Woa-Mode” for a long time. Trying to adjust from city livin’ to country livin’, but not totally country because I told my husband NO Farms! NO confederate flags! I was open to the new life, because Atlanta’s culture life is the BoMb! I love meeting people and food from different parts of the globe…  I always tell people Seattle raised me, but Atlanta made. Boy or boy…. If you only knew the HELL I went thru… Panic-stricken-paralyzed by fear. Until one day, I met Jesus.  Growing up I wasn’t a Sunday school girl, but living in bible-belt, it became a thing we did every single Sunday. I studied the bible as if my life depended on it because well it did, until I lost my self-identity in religion.



Trying to make Atlanta-life the norm, fit in, meet new people, figure this mom/wife thing out….  The major question I had for myself was “Who the hell am I?” After 9 years of raising my babies at home, I learned that I am meant to work for myself—  After having baby #3, his name is Noah by the way and I AM IN TOTAL LOoooVE!!!!!!!! Thank you God! Having him stirred up the passion inside me and resurrected a DREAM! It revived the little girl who found herself on the studio floor.  Only this time, I know the purpose behind it and I WON’T STOP UNTIL I’M TEARING IT UP ON MY OWN FLOOR.



*This is dedicated to the dreamers… And the doers. No matter how much of life has passed, as long as your breathing, you still have a shot! Get up! Get out! And Go Get It!  

#ThoughtsbyJayeRose  #WildRoses  #MomzROCK

Thursday, June 23, 2016

Today I had a vision I was standing on top of a mountain looking at the next mountain. In between mountains, I saw a deep-dark-valley. Today God resurrected a dream of mine. This was a dream that I let go of a while back because of "life's current circumstances." Just because things don't happen "your way" doesn't mean they won't happen. When your walking through the deep-dark-valley sometimes illness comes, sometimes complacency comes, and sometimes plain ol' life just happens... Doesn't mean you can't get to that next mountain top. Remember, in order to get to it, you must go "through it!"
 
#StayFocused #StayDisciplined #NOoneCanKeepYouFromTheDesiresOfYourHeart

"Doubt is a thief who steals your dreams from you..."

Remember that every time your thoughts try to bully you with "It's too hard, or it seems impossible, I can't do that..."  If you think you can, then that's all you need to know. Period.

I thought for sure by 36 I would have it all together, but God reminded me this morning that I do have it all together! I've gained all the experience I need to set out on this passionate-wild dream of mine that has finally come together. You see, to the average eye, I look to be all over the place... (Chuckle) Dreamers and doers take risks alone.


I'm thankful for my few sister-gems who see beyond what they hear from my mouth and for supporting me the way that they do. This morning's workout was not going to happen because my mind was telling me, "I'm too tired."  It wasn't until I imagined my gem-sistas working out viciously and then it happened. I rolled outta bed and put on my FIGHT!


Surround yourself with like-minded people, so that they can lift you up when you feel down.


#NeverGiveUp #ThoughtsByJayeRose #WildRose #MomzRock!

Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Addressing My Mess...

I have a question for you... If "truth" sets you free, would you tell the truth? Even if it meant getting uncomfortable and putting important things on the line? 

I'm laughing because I recently told the brutal honest truth about how I felt about something and it was so raw I couldn't believe I did that, but it felt soo good! Ha! My deliverance was all over the place and so NOT structured! But that was the beauty of me addressing my mess because when God is in the midst-- it really is all good! The funny thing about me delivering my messy business is that everything worked out in MY FAVOR!


#AddressingMyMess #LivingLifeOnMyTerms #keepingit100 



Some people call me a dream chaser,
but I call me a "free soul....". 
Sitting in a box gives me anxiety, which is why I often wander. 
I like to get lost. 
I like to piss people off... You have to know me to know why. Don't take it personal...
I like to work hard because I like results. 
I like imbalance--
I like imperfection--
I like when things don't make sense 
because it all allows me to freestyle on the runway. 

My runway......



#WildRoses