I was working out at the time. I don’t know how many times I
wished I just waited until my husband came home to do my 20 minute workout, but
if I wasn’t working out, I could have been in the shower, doing the dishes or
laundry. Me working out was nothing ordinary. Normally, she’s coloring nearby
or playing with her brothers, reading or doing her homework online. As much as
I coach my kids, I also trust that they can play independently for a short
period of time. Typically, I can hear everything and nothing estrange ever
happens, except this time.
When we arrived the emergency room, we literally walked
strait passed the check-in desk, passed the nurses station and onto the bed.
The nurse was in the room within seconds and the Dr. was in the room within 3
maybe 5 minutes. Typically ER experiences involve a lot of waiting, but not for
my princess. I guess you can say royalty matters when you belong to the kingdom.
After several flushes, we were sent home with eye drops and told to follow-up
with an eye specialist on Monday. So first thing on MLK Monday, I jumped on the
phone to make an appointment with a specialist. After several calls with a baby
on my hip and my wounded girl in my bed, I found one who said, “Can you head
here now?”
Not really the words I wanted to hear because dealing with a
baby and a severely wounded child was an intense juggle – Breakfast-Get dressed-Soothe Wound-Get baby bag-Fill cup
and Mom’s you get the point…. However, I
was grateful that they made Princess Rianna a priority. Typically I consider
myself well put together, but on this morning when we made it to the doctor’s
office I was a little frazzled. Trying to entertain this baby and listen to the
doctor give his prognosis was uncomfortable. Not to mention the way he looked
me up and down and all around when my daughter explained what happened. People
will judge you way before they try to learn you. It is what it is… However, it doesn’t change what I believe
about myself.
Now this experience turned into a prayer issue because I
needed to make sure that my daughter was not only in good hands, but in the
RIGHT hands. Lord, please don’t allow his
judgements of us affect his willingness to be a good doctor. It’s fair to
say I spend a lot of time thinking in my head, but it’s for good reasoning. He
ended up patching her eye and suggested for us to return the next day with
hopes that it would all be better.
Early the next morning, the GPS showed RED all over the map.
Immediately, I felt a still-small voice telling control-freak me, “Don’t be alarmed by the RED, just keep
traveling …” In other words, don’t be discouraged by the doctor’s report,
trust me! Needless to say, the Doctor’s report wasn’t horrible, but it wasn’t
encouraging either. ---Once again--- Never put your trust in man, lean on God’s
word until the final end. The doctor stated that her eye needed to heal from
the bottom up, so it was hard for him to determine if progress was made. Although
her eye was still very red, Rianna said that it didn’t hurt as bad as the
previous day. That was progress for me.
Later that night was rough. She woke up with excruciating
pain. And unfortunately, there was NOTHING I could do to take away her pain. It
was such a helpless feeling for me to see and hear my baby in piercing pain and
not able to do anything about it. I wish I could’ve experienced it for her. So
for those hard moments, I taught her how to empower her mental state with “I am
strong! I am healed! God loves me! Mommy loves me! And Lord I trust you…..” Such
a great life tool to learn at 8 years old. I admit that I am totally proud of
how she has handled everything up to this point.
This morning she woke up with a little sense of humor. Makes
me cry and laugh at the same time. She also opened her eye wider when we put
medicine in it. Still red, and still a little swollen, but Lord, we TRUST YOU! Yesterday
I looked at old pictures and questioned will she look the same again? Will her
eye reposition? Will she have vision? Question after question… Thought after thought… STOP! NOTHING can make this
situation disappear! What’s done is done! I realize we have to live through
this moment, embrace each other’s warmth and TRUST God’s message in Isaiah 41:10 - Don’t
be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will
strengthen you and help you. I
will hold you up with my victorious right hand. The closer I am to God, the more I become
excited to see Him lift my baby girl up in his VICTORIOUS RIGHT HAND, SO I’m GONNA
PUT A PRAAAAISE ON IT!!!!!! We stand on this—UNTIL THE FINAL END.
